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Rolled Cambers

4:AM jokes!

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Blonde: Hey you left your phone at my house last night, I kept texting you but you didn't reply.

Me:... :mellow:

 

Boy: Grandma have you seen my pills, they were labelled "LSD"

Grandma: f**k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!!

 

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there's a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"

 

Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Here's that $20 I owe you," he says.

 

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!!

 

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

 

a man lost his dominant arm in a accident

the surgeon said your in luck i have a prosthetic one that is state of the art

bionic and voice activated

after the anesthesia wore off the dr. was adjusting the bionics

the man said he needed to pee

doc told him to be careful what he said the bionics wasn't dialed down yet

in the restroom he said 'arm unzip' the arm performed perfectly

then he said 'arm take it out' the arm did as instructed

he noticed there was no one in there w/ him so he said

'arm jerk it off' the arm did as it was told

the guy yelled 'f*ck me' the arm obliged

'now would you look at this sh*t'

'ow my eye!!'

 

 

I'll stop there.. :unsure:

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I lol'ed at a couple of them

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I lol'ed at a couple of them

 

dont encourage him loz. he'll think he's funny laugh.giflaugh.gif

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Boy: Grandma have you seen my pills, they were labelled "LSD"

Grandma: f**k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!!

jst a lil bit of wee came out after this one haha

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jst a lil bit of wee came out after this one haha

 

thats as funny as the jokes ahah. lol

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5:25am joke!!

 

What have Osama bin laden and Kate middleton got in common?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On Sunday they both had their back doors smashed in and got shot in the face by a bloke in the Navy!

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Well played. I thought that was clever lol

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5:25am joke!!

 

What have Osama bin laden and Kate middleton got in common?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On Sunday they both had their back doors smashed in and got shot in the face by a bloke in the Navy!

 

 

Hilarious :D Nice work!

 

 

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hahaha, a few are real good laugh.gif

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Three girls sat at a bar. One says "I've had sex so many times I can fit my whole fist up there", the other says "I've had sex so many times I can fit two fists up there". The other girl just sits there smiling as she slowly slides down the bar-stool.

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...Erm, derp? This is the Rolled Cambers joke thread. You have mistaken this for the youtube thread.

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Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”

 

The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”

 

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A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “it's no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”.

 

The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied “I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you !”

 

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Q. What goes: "CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it?"

A. A blind person with a rubix cube.

Q. Why did God invent yeast infection?

A. So women know what it feels like to live with an annoying *milkshake*.

 

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the farmers in NZ are now wearing kilts, coz the sheep are aware of the sound of a zipper.

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Q: Why should the Republican party change its emblem from an elephant to a condom?

 

A: A condom more clearly and appropriately reflects the party's stance today because a condom accepts inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually getting f**ked.

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Keep them coming. I'm fulling my memory bank for when i get drunk next!

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I saw these garbage bags outside pets paradise, I wrote on one "dead kittens"

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whats the best thing about shagging a male trannie from behind?? when you reach around, it feels like you've gone right through!!!

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more more! lol need something to keep me occupied at uni..

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Sorry haven't updated this. It's 11pm Lol Can't do anymore 4:am jokes, but here we go.

 

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Mommy, Mommy! Why do other kids tell me I have a long nose?

 

You don't, but lift your head up or you'll scrape the floor.

 

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There are four kinds of sex :

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "f**k YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer f**k you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

 

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One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man. Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his dick in a vice.

Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?"

"Nope," replied the construction worker, "You are...I'm going to set the garage on fire."

 

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When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

 

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I wonder what fish smelled like before women went swimming?

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One man calls emergency:

- Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!

After five minutes, the same man calls back:

- It is OK, I found another one.

 

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